I have been a bad blogger of late. I get that. If it makes it better, guilt has swamped me many times, and I’ve felt the tingling itch in my fingertips that can only be soothed by writing it away.
However, I must admit, at the risk of sounding very adultish and nonsensical, that there has just not been enough time in the day. Let me asplain why.
I have to sleep. It’s a failing, I know, but my symptoms when I don’t sleep scare me. So – I sleep.
I have to eat. Again, it’s a failing, and I could probably spend less time doing it, but there you have it. All the smart people have found that you die if you don’t, which didn’t seem like good odds to me. So I eat.
I have to do school. In all honesty, at times I feel I could expend with this one. Math is for the birds, facts stink…oh, but for the Literature, writing, and beauty of words, I press ever higher. Excelsior! However, on the school front, I feel as though I have reached new heights – I finished my nearly a year and a half regime of Clepping and Dante-ing last Wednesday, May 24th, a day that shall ever remain etched in my mind as Freedom Day. I was so excited that I went to Culvers and partied it up. Like, chili cheddar fries AND custard partied it up. Be jealous.
In all honesty, finishing that part of my scholastic journey felt so odd (not that I’m complaining about its completion, mind you). But it was a routine, a schedule. A goal to shoot for – every three weeks or so, take another test. In a way, it was a comforting drudgery, and I learned so much from it. Not so much the material – Literature is my old stomping grounds, science, if scary, was a least interesting, Math…we will not discuss, and History doesn’t change overly – but it provided interesting insights to myself – Allison, who tends to procrastinate, but who likes a challenge. Allison, who is both scared and exhilarated to test, who hates to fail, and places much of her self-worth in not doing so. But if CollegePlus taught me anything, it was how to be un-phased by tests, how to be self-motivated, and most of all, how to dream big.
I learned that it’s okay, even human, to fail. It’s okay to fall short of what you desired to accomplish this week. It’s okay to second-guess yourself. Okay to be less than perfect…
And if that’s all I learned in CollegePlus (which it isn’t), I would feel I received my money’s worth. I don’t know everything, but I have the tools to unearth answers. I didn’t attend Harvard, but I have found my weaknesses and know how to compensate. Best of all, I have learned, am learning, and will continue to learn that God is still willing to use my attempts at pleasing and serving Him – and those attempts don’t have to be perfect.
Which is good. Cause I ain’t.